Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
