If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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