He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
