If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my mouth tastes like poor choices
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
