I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize