i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
