I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
