she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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