yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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