I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
