ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
