HIV tests are more positive than that guy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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