Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
