also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
