im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize