Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
