You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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