One girl and one boy is just not enough.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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