I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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