I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
be right there i have to get my cape
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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