If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
