you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
