Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
