You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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