i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
