I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
