oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
