this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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