what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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