I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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