I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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