Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
