I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
