I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
