just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
