You smell like a Billy Joel song
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
