Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
