Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
