her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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