i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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