Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
