You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
