Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Farmville is her only friend.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

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(317): View more from Indiana

What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

(214): View more from Texas

Does it taste like semen?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.

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(936): View more from Texas

If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.

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(515): View more from Iowa

as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale

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(216): View more from Ohio

it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..

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