90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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