Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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