well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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