Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
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What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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