I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
