I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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