I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
