Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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