Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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