Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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