is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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