No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
