I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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