This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
