Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
