if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
