Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
