Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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