the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize